Category: Spiritual Formation

You’re Disappointed in Ministry Because You’re Burned Out.

We’ve been taught to focus on outcomes. The outcome defines personal and ministry success. And if we don’t achieve the expected outcome, we begin to devalue ourselves. Too many failures and we end up in the pit of despair.

A recent post on PositivePsychology.com provides substance to my statement.

“Employees who experience burnout will initially primarily complain of exhaustion. This exhaustion may be referred to as fatigue, tiredness, or feeling low on energy. It appears unshakeable. The fatigue is chronic (i.e., long-term) and continuous.

Next, employees suffering from burnout will appear pessimistic about their work. Their pessimism can manifest in various ways. For example, they may adopt an overtly negative view of their work. Their pessimism can be less overt and more subtle; for example, they may appear unmotivated, disinterested, or uncommitted.

As a result, employees will report feeling despondent about their performance and output in the workplace.”[1]

The phrase that stands out to me in this excerpt is “pessimistic about their work.” This is a great way of describing disappointment. Where have you been disappointed in ministry lately?

Because the Christian ministry leader works with people, there is always an opportunity to be disappointed or let down. We should expect those moments. But, sometimes, the one you’re most disappointed in is yourself. Or, maybe God.

For me, I’ve most often struggled with disappointment when those I led did not live up to my expectations. The outcome was not what I wanted, so I spiraled down into disappointment, frustration, and loneliness, eventually doubting my calling and ability to lead.

I wonder how many other Christian ministry leaders can identify with this.

We’ve been taught to focus on outcomes. The outcome defines personal and ministry success. And if we don’t achieve the expected outcome, we begin to devalue ourselves. Too many failures and we end up in the pit of despair.

Ministry becomes all about what you can do and achieve! If you’re successful in what you do, that just feeds the machine. You stack your successes, and you look like a genius until the wrong Jenga block is pulled out. Everything falls, and you don’t know what to do.

Outcome-based ministry is destroying good Christian ministry leaders.

We need a different ministry model. A model that orbits around Jesus and who he is making you as his follower and as a leader of his people.

Joseph Stowell has some great insight into all of this when he writes that we need Character-driven leaders “whose exemplary lives influence and empower those within the sphere of their authority to achieve great outcomes personally, spiritually, communally, and organizationally…The power behind their leadership is leveraged by their moral authority that comes from the credibility of their lives.”[2]

Character-driven leadership can break the cycle of disappointment and burnout among Christian ministry leaders. Why? It’s a leadership model that is focused on your discipleship.

In short, you’re not building the kingdom. Jesus is building his kingdom by building you. Your task as a leader is the same task of every follower of Jesus: allow the Holy Spirit to produce his fruit in you (Galatians 5). There are multiple ways for this to happen, but it begins with submission to the Spirit and not CEO strategies.

Matthew gives us insight into all of this when he writes about a parable Jesus taught (Matthew 25:14-30). Stowell comments on this,

Consistently, Scripture calls us to choose character-driven leadership. In the story of the ten talents, those who successfully stewarded the master’s estate were rewarded with this character-affirming declaration: “Well done, good and faithful servant.” While outcomes are not unimportant in the story, the affirmation is about the character of the steward that produced the outcomes – affirmation about who the steward is (good and faithful) and an affirmation about how the steward leads (servant).[3]

Leadership is, first and foremost, about character. The leader’s character drives the ministry.

So, Christian ministry leader, if you’re spiraling down into the pit of disappointment and despair, use it as a time of retreat and healing. Take care of your relationship with Jesus. Hear him speak these words of life into your spirit – “well done good and faithful servant.”

Break out of the American trap of trying to build your spiritual empire. This trap leads to disappointment. Instead, let the Holy Spirit produce his fruit in you and transform you from the inside out. The character transformation will be evident to those you are called to lead. They’ll most likely respond to your leadership because you have a new authority that comes from the credibility of your life. And, if they don’t respond, you’re still secure with Jesus, and maybe Jesus will start working in their lives differently.

If you’re disappointed in ministry, redefine your leadership!

___________________

If this article has been helpful, let me know. If you’re a Christian ministry leader struggling with burnout, frustration, or disappointment and reconsidering your call, reach out to me before making any big decisions. I help burned-out Christian ministry leaders discover their next assignment in life.

[1] Alicia Nortje, “What Is Burnout? 16 Signs and Symptoms of Excessive Stress,” PositivePsychology.com, February 27, 2021, What Is Burnout? 16 Signs and Symptoms of Excessive Stress (positivepsychology.com).

[2] Joseph Stowell, Redefining Leadership: Character-Driven Habits of Effective Leaders (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2014), 24.

[3] Ibid., 27.

Your Boys Shall Be Kings

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

There is a war on the masculine soul. Many boys are growing up with no real masculine influence. Gender confusion is rising. In many places (homes, offices, institutional churches), a Feminist worldview is blocking the male energy. Just within the last year or two, a father in Texas lost his lawsuit to keep his son’s mother from raising the boy as a female. Before we fully see the damage among men and boys in our Western culture, it may be another generation.

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

You may regret that your dad was absent from your development. You may have missed the relationship you saw other boys have with their dads. Maybe you wished that your dad threw a ball with you, listened to your questions about girls or cars, or cared about what you wanted to be when you grew up.

For some men, there is a dad-shaped hole in their lives. John Eldredge writes, “Every boy on his journey to becoming a man takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father.”

During the early quarantine of the Covid pandemic, my youngest son took up skateboarding. He got pretty good. So for Christmas, he wanted a snowboard. I was hesitant. He’d never snowboarded before. He watched some YouTubers and thought it would be fun. I told him it was nothing like skateboarding. But he was determined.

So, he got a snowboard.

That weekend we hit the slopes. He hurried to the ski lift and rode it up a moderate hill. Until then, he had only practiced on a small hill in our yard. This slope was formidable for a beginner. He stepped onto his board and nudged to the edge of the mountain. As I watched from below, I saw him push off…and fall! Then I saw him get up, get his balance and go again. He fell. He fell just about all the way down the hill.

When he reached the bottom, I could see frustration and disappointment on his face. He had forgotten how long it took him to balance his skateboard and learn those techniques. I could see the disconnect in his eyes. “I can skate. Why isn’t it working on slopes?”

As he sat at the bottom of the hill, I knew this was an influential moment. So rather than an “I told you so,” I said, “Good try.” His response? “I think I’ll try a smaller hill.” I agreed. He boarded for two hours. Falling often. But encouraged frequently. “Bend your knees. Keep your head up. Give it another try.” By the following weekend, he was cruising! He returned to the hill that gave him his first defeat and boarded down without falling! He’s getting better.

What would have happened if I did say, “I told you so. You’ll never get this. Pack it in!” Those words would have been an arrow through his heart. He would live with a deep wound.

Masculinity is bestowed from one man to another. From a man to a boy. From a father to a son. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man. He cannot learn it from a woman. He cannot learn it from other boys. The father must bless his son, conferring masculinity upon him. Then boys will become kings.

A sad reality is that many men are walking around trying to find the blessing their father never gave them. Men are looking for help, respect, and guidance – a picture of real masculinity – never given to them, thus crippling their growth from boyhood to manhood. You may be one of those men.

The curse can stop with you! You may be crippled, creeping through life without your father’s blessing. That hurts! It can be undone but will require focused work and significant mentoring by other men. But you must not pass this on to your sons. Stop the bleeding. Bless your boy.

How will you get this done? Here’s what’s always worked. Use this as a starting point.

  1. Time spent makes a world of difference. Looking back on my own life, I have few memories of time spent with my father.

Some of the most recent research suggests that the average dad spends seven minutes daily on focused attention. That’s not going to get it done! Absenteeism may cause your son to feel emotionally distressed, guilty, or sad. Over time, a lack of attention could lead your son into risky behavior.

  • Blaze some trails together. Share an adventure. Walking through the woods is bonding time well spent. In ancient cultures, there was the belief that a boy only becomes a man through ritual and effort. There is a story from one tribal tradition where the men take the boys away for initiation. They are taken away from their mothers and into the woods. When he returns, the mother pretends not to know her son and asks to be introduced to “this young man.” What a beautiful picture of passage from boyhood into manhood. The son moves from his mother’s world to his father’s world.
  • Show them how to be strong. My boys loved the wrestling matches on the living room floor when they were younger. They’d come and jump on me, hungering for a challenge and physical touch. They’d try and pin me down. As they got older (and stronger), it was arm wrestling. Boys love to test their strength.

Your strength will inspire them. They’ll care for themselves in the way they see you care for yourself. Your strength and confidence will inspire them.

  • Help them discover their purpose. We no longer have the gift of apprenticeship built into our culture. There were days when boys could learn a valuable craft that would produce a remarkable career. But boys still need help discovering their gifts and purpose.

We talk about this often in my house. We see the value not only in education but in living life with purpose, finding a way to do what you love pivoting when necessary. My boys have always been encouraged to try many new experiences. Sometimes their choices have surprised me, but I appreciate their willingness to try.

The war on the masculine soul is real. Boys and men are on the front line every day. We are in the battle whether we want to be or not.  Save your son and give him a fighting chance!

A boy will never be a man if his masculinity is stripped from him. The world is full of men who have never been initiated into manhood. Don’t miss the chance you have.

The Jesus Way of Masculinity

While fully God, Jesus was also fully human. His humanness was incarnated in the masculine. Understanding who Jesus was as a man provides insight into how men can live out and model masculine characteristics as created by God.

I’m beginning a new series called The Jesus Way of Masculinity. While fully God, Jesus was also fully human. His humanness was incarnated in the masculine. Understanding who Jesus was as a man provides insight into how men can live out and model masculine characteristics as created by God.

The place where we begin, though, is not with Jesus. We’ll begin with Adam. The Genesis narrative describes “first things.” These first actions of God detail his creative design from chaos to order. Included in God’s creative design are people, specifically, male and female. Both are created as equal image bearers of God. Both sexes speak something about God’s nature. And. Both sexes reveal something about their responsibilities in creation.

The male – Adam had a defined responsibility to work alongside God in creation. Prior to fulfilling his responsibilities, it’s important to see that Adam’s entire life was given to him as a gift from God. Genesis 2:7 (NIV) reads, “Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” This life-giving breath of God communicates that Adam’s entire life was predicated on the life given to him by the Creator. This life-giving breath suggests Adam’s inheritance as a son of God and led to his responsibilities in creation. Genesis chapter 2 highlights Adam’s role:

  • His responsibilities occur in a defined place – the Garden
  • He was to work and care for the Garden
  • He was responsible for his obedience to God’s commands
  • He named the animals
  • He recognized Eve as part of himself
  • He committed himself to her

We see Adam as being clearly created by God for a purpose. He was to manage God’s place on the earth, rule over creation (naming of animals), and nurture his relationships. All of this was intended to honor God in the way that Adam (and Eve) were the image bearers of God in the Garden and on Earth.

Very shortly, though, we discover that the original order was destroyed by original sin. Adam failed to fulfill his responsibility to nurture his wife and nurture his dominion over the earth instead choosing to rebel against God’s design. The rest of the story involves banishment and the beginning of God’s redemptive story climaxing in the incarnation of Jesus.

In Romans 5:12-21, the Apostle Paul contrasts the roles of Adam and Jesus. Adam failed to fulfill his image-bearing role which led to the “death” of all of creation. Jesus, and his “one righteous act” (5:18) bring justification. In other words, Jesus’ obedience had the potential to bring life back to all of creation. In short, I would suggest that Jesus, as the image-bearer of God, fulfilled the things at which Adam failed.

In general, we can apply this to the masculine role – you are an image bearer of God. Certainly, this applies to women as well. Genesis 1 seems to be clear on this reality.  But men cannot shirk this responsibility. The absence of men as image bearers of God in creation is a troubling reality in the 21st century. Many men flee any conversation about God or Christianity. Maybe this has occurred because of the deep feminization of the church and Christianity, but it’s not an excuse.

As an image bearer, men are called to take up the responsibility for revealing the presence of God in every facet of society and take back the ground lost to the enemy. This isn’t militant, nor is it Dominion Theology. It is the created nature of men, who, redeemed by Jesus and filled with the Holy Spirit, fulfilling the intended purpose of the masculine.

So, an initial aspect of fulfilling the Jesus Way of Masculinity begins with a Christian man owning his call as an image-bearer of God and exerting influence over the direction of creation for the glory of God and the coming of the Kingdom.

How to Lead a Powerful and Transformative Group Coaching Session for Pastors

Group coaching is an excellent resource for the leadership development of pastors.

“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life.”

Brenda Ueland

Group coaching is a beautiful and powerful way to help coachees learn from others with similar needs and experiences. Jennifer Britton suggests, “This peer learning is often as important as the interaction with the coach. Many clients find coaching in a group puts them “less on the spot,” giving them more time to reflect and integrate their insights.”[1] In this model, coachees receive support from the coach and one another.

What Does the Bible Teach about Group Coaching?

While the Bible never directly speaks to group coaching, it offers significant structure about encouraging and supporting one another. For example, fifty-nine “one another” statements exist in the New Testament. We may do these behaviors out of an overflow of our relationship with Jesus, but other people must be involved to fulfill them. Group coaching provides a perfect setting for obedience to these commands. For instance, Jesus teaches his followers to “love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34, New International Version). This commandment plays out perfectly as group members seek and work toward loving and encouraging one another toward resolutions of problems, healthy relationships, and helpful problem-solving.

Another helpful example of applying the “one-another” statements to group coaching comes to us from Colossians 3:16. As Paul reminds the church that they are, indeed, one body, he calls them to “let the message of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom…” (Colossians 3:16, New International Version). Pastors, as church leaders, are still part of the body of Christ. Unfortunately, they are not often the recipients of teaching and admonishment. Group coaching allows these leaders to let down their guard and receive support, education, and counsel from colleagues experiencing similar roadblocks in ministry. The group coaches and cheers one another to God’s best.

What Is Group Coaching?

Group coaching occurs when a coach takes a group of individuals through a coaching journey together to achieve a desired outcome. There is a specific energy and group wisdom in group coaching compared to one-on-one sessions. This energy and wisdom can rapidly help group members achieve their goals. The group becomes a shared learning space where the members can learn from one another. To be clear, coaching groups is not just about getting a bunch of people together and then coaching them for 5 minutes each until everyone has had a turn. Instead, it is the delicate balance of allowing each member to achieve their resolution and providing an overarching direction for the group.

What Are the Benefits of Group Coaching?

The Evercoach organization reminds us that “coaching groups are about more than the act of coaching and being coached. It’s about the connection, communication, and community that comes from not just you interacting with your clients, but group members interacting with each other.”[2] This is the sweet spot. Evercoach suggests that some of the benefits of the group coaching model include the following.[3]

1. Problem-Solving. When group members get together to work on an issue that concerns all of them, the solution will be better because of the multiple viewpoints and perspectives in the room.

2. Higher Engagement. More people interacting with each other will lead to more positive engagement for the group members and more positive results for them from the coaching sessions.

3. Constant Improvement. Group coaching leads to overall improvement for all the group members over time, as the members will be helping each other achieve their goals and collectively work together.

Becoming a Powerful and Transformative Group Coach

A powerful and transformative group coach must employ a model focused on steering every session in the right direction. One of the first skills a group coach needs is setting group goals. A good group coach sits down with the clients and helps them identify and develop their plans, individually and as a group. This promotes a collaborative effort within the group to work together towards their goals with a clear picture in their minds. Secondly, a powerful and transformative group coach facilitates communication. In every group, there are multiple people with very different personalities. A good group coach finds a way to make everyone comfortable enough to open up and communicate. Finally, the group coaching sessions’ main goal is for the group members to grow and work together. So, it is essential that the group coach improves relationships within the group and promotes the best environment possible.

How To Lead Powerful and Transformative Group Coaching Sessions

Group Coaching has five key characteristics that bring the group together and move them forward. First, the group comes together around a shared problem. In my personal experience facilitating group coaching with pastors, their shared problem was a lack of leadership development. The group came together to explore and receive coaching around resolving their need. Each coaching session revolved around a specific ministry problem whose resolution increased the leadership capacity of each group member. Secondly, to solve a problem, group coaching encourages members to ask powerful questions. Powerful coaches help promote a culture of introspection and clear reasoning by asking questions. Thirdly, the coach must teach the group to think of solutions themselves and take action. As each member in the group grows and learns, this benefits the entire group as they collaborate in their effort. They can then apply these learnings outside the group coaching sessions, and continue their growth. Through all of this, the coach assumes a secondary position in the group. While they have a crucial role in ensuring everything goes smoothly, the coach eventually transfers the responsibility to the group so the members can learn to trust themselves.

In an efficient way, here’s how I have used this process in my group coaching experience. The group comes together around a specific teaching topic at the designated time. For example, one of the best topics for coaching pastors revolves around self-care. This area is often a large gap for clergy. At the beginning of the session, this theme was announced, and teaching occurred, offering suggestions for prioritizing the coachee’s needs in ministry. Following the learning, the coachees were asked to clearly define what they wrestle with regarding self-care. After clearly defining the problem, the group was asked to reflect upon their current reality. How is this problem affecting their ministry, family, or self? What obstacles keep them from fully realizing the life and experience they want? Finally, the group worked to develop a roadmap toward achieving their preferred future. Amid all this reflection and conversation, group members listened to, commiserated with, and offered solutions to help one another grow beyond the obstacles to fulfilling their best life. While all this was happening, the coach kept the group on track through all the essential steps.

Final Thoughts

Group coaching is an excellent resource for the leadership development of pastors. The process provides collegiality, shared wisdom, helpful accountability, and the fulfillment of the biblical admonishment to care for one another. Key to the whole process, however, is the willingness of the coach to take a secondary role. They do not make transformation happen. Coaches guide the group, trust the process, and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to and among the participants masterfully.

[1] Jennifer Britton, “What is Group Coaching,” The Coaching Tools Company, July 18, 2022, https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/group-coaching-the-what-and-why-guest-author-jennifer-britton/#:~:text=1%29%20Lead%20from%20your%20core%20coaching%20skills%20Group,focusing%20on%20action%20and%20awareness%20along%20with%20accountability.

[2] “A Beginners Guide to Group Coaching,” Evercoach, last modified 2023,  https://www.evercoach.com/coaching-guides/group-coaching/#Chapter1.

[3] Ibid.

Four Steps for Creating a Powerful Coaching Ministry to Pastors

When it comes to providing consistent leadership development, coaching has significant benefits.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot

Leadership can be a lonely experience. Churches count on pastors to cast vision, preach, lead effectively, and care for membership. Often these same pastors, by circumstances or choice, don’t have others with whom they can relate. When they feel stuck or have a problem, they don’t have anyone outside their church to turn to for advice. For many, a great option is coaching.

When it comes to providing consistent leadership development, coaching has significant benefits. Effective coaching will…

Push you out of your comfort zone

Assist you in creating a ministry plan

Help you overcome obstacles

Help you achieve life/ministry balance

Your vision of creating a coaching ministry for pastors that accomplishes these outcomes will require a plan. But a clear picture will always precede the plan. I began with this specific plan when I developed a coaching ministry for pastors in my region. It may help you.

The vision for this ministry is to develop confident, equipped, and supported supply pastors who can effectively serve in leadership ministry in the local church.

This vision was inspired. The need for coaching to develop confident, equipped, and supported supply pastors originated from several sources. First, the personal pleas from Franklin District supply pastors. Secondly, the dissatisfaction of the District Superintendent in the appointment-making process. And third, the inadequacy of the already established training and development process. Pastors want help. They want to change; they want to see results. Supply pastors want to be successful in ministry, not placeholders. Coaching can accomplish this, but it must be developed efficiently. Starting a coaching ministry that achieves such a vision can be exciting, rewarding, and daunting. Here are four steps to help you get started.

Step 1: Establish Your Goals

Before you begin, defining the goals you’d like to achieve with your coaching ministry is essential. Once you clearly understand what you’d like to accomplish, you can start designing the program accordingly. I would suggest that your goals include helping pastors navigate four core aspects of ministry.

  1. Coach pastors to continually develop their relationship with God. This will include not only devotional time but self-care and Sabbath.
  2. Administrative responsibilities. Depending upon your ecclesiastical structure, there are different expectations about paperwork, meetings, and denominational responsibilities.
  3. Pastoral Care. Not every church member is alike. Coaching pastoral care helps develop confidence and skill in working with various church members.
  4. Preaching/Worship Ministry. While preparing for coaching supply pastors, I discovered they lacked the knowledge and ability to plan worship over extended periods. Before becoming supply pastors, these coachees only preached occasionally throughout the year. They were never required to prepare weekly or special services like Christmas and Easter. The goal of this coaching ministry quickly became resourcing the supply pastors with practical tools.

Step 2: Develop Your Program

The program you design should be tailored to the needs of your group. Consider the group’s makeup, its strengths and weaknesses, and the goals you’ve established. This is also the time to determine the program’s length and the sessions’ frequency.

Upon creating a ministry development plan, I, along with the advice of the district superintendent, chose to develop a coaching ministry that was informal, relational, and short-term. Since this ministry was new, we wanted to test a less rigid format tailored to the supply pastors’ needs over six months. We met in a group setting once each month for one and one-half hours. The session was divided into two parts: a thirty-minute teaching time covering an aspect of the core mentioned above ministries, and sixty minutes of guided, group coaching highlighting a challenge they were currently facing in the core ministry.  

During each session, John Whitmore’s GROW model was implemented. This model is one of four popular models employed by coaches. Any chosen model is how the coach engages the coachees. The Coach Foundation website suggests that “when you select a coaching model, you will be able to visualize ‘how’ you can help your client to achieve their goals. Every unique coaching model carries the advantage of having a precise, well-defined method that you can use to create change for your clients.”[1] The GROW Coaching Model is the most popular and well-known model of coaching. This model’s approach is in its name.

G – Goals

R – Reality

O – Options

W – Will

Here is how this model works during a coaching session. The first movement is to establish the coachee’s goal. What do they want to achieve? At this stage, it is crucial to work with the coachee until they are crystal clear on their outcomes. When they are clear, they will know what they will need to work on and the results they may be able to expect. Secondly, the coachee must take stock of the current reality of their problem. By assessing the truth of the situation, they can see where they have been in the journey and what potential next steps might entail. Thirdly, once they have identified their current reality, they can now understand all the options they have for moving toward their desired future. Sometimes, another variation of this step is to identify ‘obstacles’ blocking their path forward. Finally, the coachee will consider viable next steps. This step is the most obvious! ‘What WILL you do now?’. The main idea at this step is to help the coachee understand how to move forward from their current Reality and toward their Goals while keeping their Options or Obstacles in mind.

Step 3: Choose the Right Coaches

Once you have your program in place, it’s time to select the right coaches. Look for people who have experience in the areas you are trying to focus on, as well as an understanding of the group’s needs. The right coaches will be able to help your team reach its goals. If you are developing a coaching ministry to develop the leadership capacity of pastors, you will recruit experienced pastors who have received appropriate coach training. The best scenario is that the pastor/coach is certified by an accredited International Coaching Federation training organization. If that is not possible, resources such as Keith Webb’s The Coach Model and Robert Logan’s Coaching 101 are influential texts for training.

Step 4: Prepare Your Participants

Before the sessions begin, prepare your participants. For many, coaching remains a new discipline and needs to be more understood. Webb, for example, reminds us that “there’s a lot of confusion about what exactly coaching is and how to effectively coach. Coaching is an unregulated field. Anyone can, and many do, call themselves a coach.”[2] Provide them with an overview of the program, expectations, and the goals they should strive to achieve. Be sure also to discuss the coach’s role and the importance of their input. It will also be helpful to model a coaching session with your group so they can see what to expect.

Final Thoughts

Starting a coaching ministry can be a great way to help pastors develop as leaders and reach their goals.  Furthermore, leaders need the best resources and development with the changing landscape of church life and ministry in the twenty-first century.  Coaching is an investment in pastors that can produce a win-win scenario through its positive ripple effect that leads to healthier leaders and churches. With the proper preparation, you can ensure everyone receives the most benefit possible.

[1] Sai Blackbyrn, “4 Proven Coaching Models You Should Know,” Coach Foundation, 2023, https://coachfoundation.com/blog/4-different-coaching-model/#type-of-coaching-model-grow.

[2] Michael Webb, The Coach Model, 12.

Keep Your Head When Everyone is Losing Theirs

The measure of manhood may well be keeping your head when everyone around you is losing theirs.

In 1895, Rudyard Kipling wrote the timeless poem, “If.” The first stanza implores us to “keep our heads” when everyone around us is losing theirs.

“If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs…”

Did Kipling have a time machine? Did he somehow travel to 2020 and quickly escape back to the nineteenth century to write this warning for future generations?

If there is any word which describes 2020, “insanity” would be at the top of many lists. This past week has been no exception. It’s been exhausting, frustrating, and painful at many levels.

Someone has said, “elections have consequences.” All too often the personal consequences are dire. I stayed up way too late Tuesday night (I’m embarrassed to say it was actually Wednesday morning). I thought if I stayed awake I could somehow influence things. So Wednesday I was stressed. My jaw seemed clenched all day. I was so lost in my own thoughts and in such a fog that I found myself ignoring conversations and meaningful interaction with my own family. I found myself glued to the news cycle and talk radio. I kept refreshing my social media for the latest developments. The more I listened and watched the more pain I experienced. I know better. You know better. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY! I was getting sucked into the insanity.

Finally I had to make a decision. It was like facing my addiction all over again. Is this how I want to live? Is this what I want to consume my precious time and relationships? I took action and changed my mind. It’s been a better week since then.

This is what has worked for me, maybe these will help you.

  1. Turn it off. I broke the chain of the 24 hour news cycle. I turned off the TV, the radio, and I set a schedule for when I interacted with social media.
  2. Pick it up. I picked up a book that always inspires and heals me and I read.
  3. Connect. I spent time with a mentor. I reconnected with my friends. And we didn’t talk politics! We encouraged and cared for one another.
  4. Go outside. This week in the northeast has been beautiful. High temperatures and sunshine. Go walk, play, get some vitamin D.
  5. Refocus. What happens next nationally is really out of my hands. I like control but I can’t control this. But what I can control is how I respond. I chose to respond by getting refocused on my “Why.” I choose to double down on my purpose and mission for life. When I focus my mental energy and my actions on what I want to achieve, the noise of insanity vanishes.

Your life is yours to control. You make the most important decisions of your life. You are the constant. You can either be pulled into other people’s insanity, or you can chart your own course.

Kipling ends his poem with this stanza:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

The measure of manhood may well be keeping your head when everyone around you is losing theirs. Live well.

Surrendered Leadership

How bad do you need to be for history to classify you as a scoundrel?  Paul Martin, in a Huffington Post article, cites some of the worst historical scoundrels like Daniel Drew, the Fox sisters, and Hetty Green.  These folks, and others like them, lived unscrupulously at the expense of others.

Now, how bad do you need to be for the Bible to identify you as a scoundrel?  That’s a whole new level.  But that’s exactly how Phinehas and Hophni are described (1Samuel 2).  They consistently robbed people; slept with whoever they wanted; disregarded authority; and ignored God.  Their story may not raise many eyebrows until you know that these two men were leaders.  They were part of a family that had been committed to serving God and God’s people.  But nothing they did reflected their position as leaders.

Leadership is hard.  If you lead, you get this.  As a country we’re tough on our leaders – from the government to the church and everywhere in between.  We certainly expect our leaders to be people of character and integrity, and we should.  But we also have the propensity to knock leaders down.  We want them to be the best, but we quickly look for their flaws and cheer when those flaws are well known.  Leadership is not for the faint of heart.

And that’s precisely why those who are leaders – especially spiritual leaders – need to pay attention to the details.  While Hophni and Phinehas were disregarding their character and position, God was raising up another leader to replace them.  Samuel was still a young boy but God was shaping him into the kind of leader both God and the people needed.  God gives us a hint of the kind of leader Samuel could be – “those who honor me I will honor but those who despise me I will disdain…I will raise up a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind” (1Samuel 2:30-35).

When it comes to spiritual leadership God looks for a particular kind of person – one that wants what God wants.  Wanting what God wants has a way of shaping our character and increasing our integrity. When temptations challenge our moral fiber, leaders after God’s heart trust God’s strength.  When moral failure happens, leaders after God’s own heart seek forgiveness and restoration.  Spiritual leaders don’t ignore or dismiss their actions they come to terms with the call and grace of God.  God raised up Samuel to do what was on God’s heart and mind.

Whether you are a Christian leader at work, in your home, with you kids, or at your church – God is inviting you to do what is on his heart and mind.  Phinehas and Hophni reveal the destruction unsurrendered leadership creates.  Don’t be a scoundrel!  Seek the heart and mind of God, surrender yourself to God’s purposes and lead well.

Abundant Life is Found Out on the Water

Bread and water are the often joked about references to the food of the incarcerated.  But bread and water are two elements Jesus uses to show Peter the secret to a full and abundant life.

The story begins in Matthew 14.  The crowds have followed Jesus into a remote place.  The sun’s going down and everyone’s getting hungry.  The disciples want to send the crowds into town for dinner.  Jesus has another idea – “you give them something to eat.”  The reaction of the disciples is one that we would share if we were in their shoes, “We don’t have enough…”

  When faced with obvious need, “we don’t have enough…” is our usual response.  I’ve been guilty of that.  We don’t have enough time, money, people, money, time…you get the idea.  We’ve all been there and we’ve all uttered the same thing.  But I love what Jesus does in light of their scarcity.  Jesus says, “Bring them here to me.”  Bring me your resources.  Bring me what you do have.  Then Jesus does what only he can do.  He takes our limits and stretches them to meet the need.

This story is immediately followed by Peter walking on the water.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so.

Peter and the other disciples are in a boat struggling against the storm and waves.  They’re trying to get the other side of the lake to meet Jesus, but they’re stuck.  So Jesus comes to them, walking on the water.  Peter sees Jesus and wants to be where he is – out on the water.  But Peter let his water walking certification lapse.  So he says, “Jesus, if that’s you tell me to come to you on the water.”  If I were Peter, I’d want Jesus to respond with something like, “No. Don’t worry about it. Stay in the boat and I’ll come to you.  No need to get your feet wet.”  But he doesn’t.  Jesus’ response to Peter’s longing is simply – “Come.”

Now Peter has never walked on water but here’s what he has done: he has stepped out of a boat before.  He was a fisherman, after all.  He knows how to lift a leg over the side, set it down, and walk.  So Peter does what he knows how to do.  He gives Jesus what he already knows how to do.  And Jesus does, in those moments, what only Jesus can do.

I’m convinced that this is a life truth.  We give Jesus what we know how to do and Jesus takes it and does what only he can do!

Following Jesus is about being stretched.  Left to ourselves, we usually see what we can’t accomplish.  And that always limits the abundant life Jesus promises.  Jesus stretches our faith when he says, “Give me what you do have” and I’ll take it and do an amazing thing.  Abundant life is found out on the water – when we give Jesus what we know how to do and let him do with it what only he can do.

Last night I attended an event hosted by The Asservo Project (theasservoproject.org).  The Asservo Project, based out of Pittsburgh, exists to combat global human trafficking.  They are a David facing a Goliath.  Human trafficking is currently one of the world’s most profitable criminal enterprises.  There are 40 million victims globally.  At $150 billion annually, this criminal enterprise makes more money than Google, Apple, Yahoo, and Netflix combined.  Since 2010, human trafficking has grown 850%.  Trafficking and sexual slavery is real.  Open your eyes and it becomes so obvious.

This reality is so staggering I couldn’t help but think, “Jesus, we don’t have enough…”  That’s all I could think about on the way home.  How do you even make a dent?  And I kept going back to this story.  Jesus says, give me what you have/what you know how to do and I’ll do what only I can do.

So that’s my current next step.  But what about you?  You may not be passionate about ending human trafficking (I hope you will be) but there is something that you are passionate about.  There is something that God is calling you to and you’re first response is “I don’t have enough…time, education, money, fill in the blank.”

But here’s the spiritual truth.  The only way disciples grow is when they are stretched.  When they say, “Jesus, I hear you, and I don’t know how I will accomplish this but I will give you what I know how to do and I’ll let you do what only you can do.”

Abundant life is found out on the water…so get out of the boat.

Stand up!

There are seasons of life where we come to the end of our ability. Hopefully these are the very seasons that drive us to a deeper place of surrender.

…Hannah stood up.

I’ve never really seen this phrase before.  It seems to come out of nowhere, yet Hannah’s action is a consequence of years of provocation.

Let’s remember the story.  Hannah was the wife of Elkanah.  But she wasn’t his only wife.  In a context unlike our own, Hannah was a product of polygamy.  She shared Elkanah with another woman – Peninnah.  Furthermore, in a culture that placed wealth, privilege, life, and success on a person’s number of children, Hannah was losing.  She had given Elkanah no children, while Peninnah seemed to be very fertile.

Not only was Hannah seeming to suffer from the depression and frustration of a “closed womb,” she was constantly provoked by Peninnah.  This troublesome relationship went on year after year until Hannah was so depressed and broken down that she couldn’t eat and constantly wept about her painful reality (1Samuel 1:1-20)

This was Hannah’s reality until she stood up.  She had enough and stood up.  She was tired of her pain and she stood up.  She was done being provoked and ridiculed.  She stood up!  She was done with the depression.  She was done feeling sorry for herself.  She stood up…and went straight to her knees. Hannah came to the end of herself and to the beginning of God.

There are seasons of life where we come to the end of our ability.  Hopefully these are the very seasons that drive us to a deeper place of surrender.  I cannot…but God can.  Often these seasons arrive after long periods of frustration, pain, brokenness, and maybe even some ridicule.  The time before we come to a place of surrender may find us filled with self-doubt and devastated self-worth.

Hannah offers a beautiful portrait of strength.  She is tired of her present reality.  She wants change – not just for herself but for the people she loves.  I also suspect she wants God to be honored with her future.

Hannah comes to the end of herself and to the beginning of what God can do.  This is a remarkable picture of maturity.  Hannah speaks to me about moving from a life of brokenness into the full and abundant life of God.  And the one act that separates the two realities happens when Hannah stands up and say’s “enough is enough!”  I am tired of existing in my current status.  I want a better future.  So she stands up and goes straight to her knees believing that God is the one who changes our story.

Where do you need to stand up today?  What are you tired of living with?  What are you tired of permitting?  What are the habits or cycles that you’re done with for the last time?  Where have you reached the limits of your abilities?  Remember the definition of insanity – if we keep doing what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got.  Stand up!  And go straight to your knees.

In chapter 2, Hannah offers a prayer of thanksgiving for what God has done to change her reality.  In that pray she pronounces a new path, “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my [strength] is lifted high…there is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no rock like our God.”

Stand up today and surrender your current reality to God’s best future for you.  Remember what Jesus said, “the thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy.  I have come that you may have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

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