Category: Spiritual Formation

What God Does with Broken Men

The thing that happened to you — the failure, the loss, the transition, the season that felt like exile — is not disqualifying you. It is equipping you.

There is a pattern in Scripture nobody told you about. It will change how you read the season you are in.

In recent posts, I have been candid about the reality facing many men in the latter half of life—feeling depleted, adrift, operating on empty, and trying to build on a foundation that was never meant to support the weight they place on it.

This honesty is important. It continues to matter.

However, this week I want to share something different. I believe this new perspective can change how you view the current season of your life—whether it feels like stagnation, loss, failure, or simply the quiet drift of a life that seems to have lost its direction.

Here it is, as plainly as I know how to say it:

“God has never used a man without first breaking him.”

Not just occasionally or in some cases, but every time. In every significant story within the biblical narrative, there is a period of hiddenness between the calling and the assignment. This season may feel like being forgotten from the inside.

You are not forgotten; you are being formed.

The Pattern Scripture Keeps Repeating

Think about Moses for a moment.

He grew up in Pharaoh’s house. He has a position, education, and what looks like a clear path to doing something significant for his people. Then, in one impulsive moment, he kills an Egyptian soldier and flees into the desert. The dream dies. He ends up in Midian — tending sheep, married to a shepherd’s daughter, completely invisible to the world he was supposed to change.

For forty years.

Not forty days. Forty years.

And then, on an ordinary day in that wilderness, a bush catches fire and doesn’t burn up. And God speaks. And Moses — the fugitive, the man whose best years seemed to be behind him — becomes the instrument of the most dramatic act of national liberation in human history.

The forty years were not a detour; they were the necessary curriculum. The man who entered Midian as a prince emerged as a shepherd. Ultimately, what God needed to guide people through the wilderness wasn’t a prince; it was a shepherd.

The breaking made him exactly right for what came next.

· · ·

David is another one.

He was anointed king as a teenager — oil poured on his head, the prophet of God speaking the word over him. And then almost immediately, everything goes sideways. He spends the next decade running for his life from the man he was chosen to replace. Caves. Deserts. A band of broken men following him through the wilderness. The promise of God has no visible path to its fulfillment.

Years of that. Years.

But here’s what happened in those years. David learned things about God — about being sustained when everything is stripped away, about finding the presence of God in places where no sane person would look for it — that he never could have learned on a throne. The Psalms came from that wilderness. The songs that have carried broken people for three thousand years came from a man who was living inside the breaking when he wrote them.

His suffering became his language, and that language has spoken to the human condition ever since.

· · ·

Peter denies Jesus three times on the worst night in human history. He doesn’t just distance himself — he curses and swears he never knew the man. And then Jesus is crucified, and Peter goes back to fishing. Back to the lake. Back to the nets. Back to life before, as if the three years never happened.

Can you imagine carrying that? The specific weight of having failed the one person you most wanted to be loyal to, at the exact moment it mattered most?

There’s a beach, a charcoal fire, and Jesus—risen and alive—doesn’t begin with an accusation. Instead, he starts with breakfast. Then, gently, he asks three times, “Do you love me?” Each question corresponds to one of Peter’s denials. It’s not to reproach him, but to restore him.

The man who preached at Pentecost and saw three thousand people come to faith in a single afternoon was the same man who had failed in the most public way imaginable six weeks earlier. The brokenness didn’t disqualify him. It prepared him. A man who knows what it is to be restored from the inside is exactly the right man to lead a movement of people who need to know that restoration is real.

· · ·

Paul — before he was Paul, when he was still Saul — held the coats while Stephen was stoned. He spent years hunting down the early church with a warrant and a fury. Then he meets Jesus on the road to Damascus, and the entire foundation of his life collapses in an instant. He goes blind. He fasts for three days. And then he disappears into Arabia for three years.

Three years of silence. Nobody hears from him. No letters. No churches planted. No sermons recorded.

We don’t know exactly what happened in Arabia. We know that the man who emerged from it went on to write half the New Testament and plant the gospel across the known world. Whatever the three years were, they were necessary. The formation that happened in the hiddenness produced something that the earlier version of him couldn’t have carried.

What This Means for You

I’ve spent a lot of time with men who are in the hidden season. Men who feel like they are in the wilderness between what was and what’s supposed to be next. Men who can’t see the path forward, who wonder if they missed their window, who carry the weight of past failure or current stagnation, and quietly assume that the best of their life is behind them.

Hold on to this promise:

“The hidden season is not the end of your story. It is the part before the part that matters most.”

The thing that happened to you — the failure, the loss, the transition, the season that felt like exile — is not disqualifying you. It is equipping you. Not despite the breaking, but through it. Exactly the way it worked for Moses, David, Peter, and Paul.

Your road to this point is not wasted. It is the specific, hard-won knowledge that only comes from living through what you have lived through. And somewhere, someone younger is in the middle of exactly what you have been through — and they need what you know.

The only way that knowledge gets from you to them is if you stop treating this season like a sentence and start treating it like a school.

THE ANCHOR VERSE

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”— Isaiah 43:18–19 (NIV)

Do you not perceive it?

That question is not rhetorical. It is an invitation to look at the season you have been enduring and ask a different question than the one you’ve been asking. Not why is this happening to me? But what is being built in me that couldn’t be built any other way?

The question worth sitting with this week: What has this season given you that you could not have received any other way?

You have not missed your window. That is not a conclusion Scripture allows. The men who went through the hidden seasons were not early — they were exactly on time, arriving at their assignment with precisely what the assignment required. The road is longer than you expected. That does not mean you are lost.

If this is landing somewhere real for you, leave a comment. I would genuinely like to hear your story.

THE REBOUND LETTER — FREE · EVERY TUESDAY

Know a man who is in the wilderness right now?

If this issue put words to something you’ve been living, there is almost certainly a guy in your life who is in the same season — and has no framework for what it means. Forward this to him. Sometimes the right letter at the right time is what turns the page.

The Real Reason You Burned Out

It’s not what you think. And the distinction changes everything.

Many people assume that burnout, a drifting marriage, or midlife emptiness is simply a result of overwork. They suggest solutions such as getting more rest, setting better boundaries, taking vacations, seeking help from a good counselor, or practicing self-care.

I held this belief for years and tried many of these approaches. Some provided temporary relief, but none offered a lasting solution.

Ultimately, the issue wasn’t about capacity; it was about identity.

Here’s what I mean.

The Engine Underneath the Exhaustion

Many men who experience burnout are not simply those who work too hard; they are often those who have worked from the wrong mindset for too long.

There is a type of work that flows from one’s identity—a deep understanding of who you are before God that is independent of your output. This kind of work can be challenging and demanding, but it does not drain you. It draws from an account that does not rely on your performance to remain full.

On the other hand, there is a type of work that defines one’s identity—where what you produce becomes the proof of your significance, God’s approval, and your worth. This kind of work is always exhausting because it draws from an account that requires constant replenishment through your output. If you stop producing, that account runs empty, and when it does, you feel empty as well.

Most Christian men I’ve worked with are in the second category. Not because they are faithless. Because the culture they were formed in — church culture, achievement culture, Christian masculinity culture — told them, implicitly and explicitly, that their value was tied to what they produced.

The good husband. The reliable provider. The faithful elder. The man who shows up, delivers the goods, never complains, and keeps the whole thing running.

There is nothing wrong with any of those things. The problem is what happens when they become the foundation of your worth rather than the overflow of it.

The Sequence That Changes Everything

As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” — Mark 1:10–11 (NIV)

I want you to notice something easy to read past.

The Father speaks before Jesus has done a single thing.

No sermon. No miracle. No healing, no teaching, no confrontation with the Pharisees. No proof of anything. Jesus has just come up out of the water — and before the ministry begins, before a single act — the Father speaks.

“You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

Approval before performance. Identity before assignment. Son before servant.

“The Father’s declaration does not say: perform well and then you will be loved. It says: you are loved. Now go.”

Most men I know have this completely reversed. They feel like sons on the days they’ve performed well — as fathers, as husbands, as providers, as leaders. They feel like a disappointment on the days they haven’t.

The exhaustion of living that way is not a spiritual failing. It is the completely logical result of building your sense of worth on a foundation that shifts every time your output does.

Until you live as a son first — until the Father’s declaration becomes the thing you stand on rather than the thing you strive toward — you will keep performing for an approval you already have.

And you will keep burning out. Not because you are weak. Because you are building on sand.

THE ANCHOR VERSE

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! — 1 John 3:1 (NIV)

Our identity is declared, not earned. It is given to us generously and unconditionally, before we have done anything to deserve it.

Consider this thought for the week: If your worth were truly untouchable—if nothing you did today could add to it or subtract from it—how would that change the way you show up?

Your answer reflects the distance between where you are now and where you want to be.

This gap—between understanding something theologically and living it out personally—is something I frequently see in men who come to Rebound. While their theology may be correct, the foundation is often grounded in performance.

The process of rebuilding begins with addressing that gap. If you find yourself in this situation, please feel free to reply. I would like to hear about where you are.

THE REBOUND · 8-WEEK TRANSFORMATION

Son before servant. That shift is what Rebound is built around.

The 8-week Rebound program exists to take a man from performance-based identity to son-based identity — not as a theological exercise, but as a lived transformation that holds. This is the hinge on which everything else turns.

Learn about Rebound →

— Ron

The Five Stages of Drift

Most men don’t wake up one day and consciously decide to drift. Instead, this drifting happens gradually—season by season—often in ways that seem completely reasonable as they occur. The true extent of this drift only becomes clear in hindsight.

Most men don’t know they’re drifting until they’re already lost. Here’s a map

After years of coaching men in the second half of life, I’ve noticed something important: Most men don’t wake up one day and consciously decide to drift. Instead, this drifting happens gradually—season by season—often in ways that seem completely reasonable as they occur. The true extent of this drift only becomes clear in hindsight.

I’ve identified a consistent pattern consisting of five stages. While not every man moves through all five stages in the same order, most of the men I’ve worked with can recognize at least three of them immediately and know exactly where they stand.

Think of this framework as a map rather than a judgment.

THE FIVE STAGES

Stage 1 — Gradual Numbness

The first stage is the quietest. Nothing dramatic happens. The man continues to show up, produce, and do all the right things. However, somewhere inside, he feels a shift; the temperature of his passion has dropped. What he once loved now feels like mere work. His prayers seem mechanical, and Sundays feel like a performance rather than a genuine expression of faith.

He notices this change but chooses not to say anything. He tells himself it’s just a season and waits for the feelings to return.

But those feelings don’t come back—because they won’t regain their strength unless the conditions that extinguished them have changed.

Stage 2 — Role Collapse

In stage two, the man’s identity has quietly fused with his role. He doesn’t notice this happening because it happens gradually and because the culture around him rewards it. The harder he works, the more he produces, the more valuable he feels. So he produces more.

The problem surfaces when the role changes — retirement, a career transition, the kids leaving home, a church or company downsizing. When the role goes, the man goes with it. Not dramatically but in the quiet way of a man who suddenly doesn’t know how to answer the question “Who are you?” without referencing what he does.

Stage 3 — Relational Withdrawal

In stage three, the man starts to withdraw. He is present at dinner but not in the room. He shows up at the kids’ events, but his mind is somewhere else. He and his wife become roommates in a home that has become functional rather than intimate.

He tells himself he is tired. He tells himself she understands. He tells himself things will get better when work slows down, when the kids are older, when the next thing resolves.

The next thing never resolves. And she has stopped waiting.

Stage 4 — Spiritual Performance

By stage four, the man’s spiritual life has become merely a performance. He knows the right words; he can lead prayers, provide the correct answers in small group discussions, and preach sermons. However, his inner life is hollow. He has been giving from a well he stopped replenishing years ago.

His prayers feel as if they hit the ceiling, and the Bible reads like information rather than a transformative encounter. He suspects that something is fundamentally wrong, but he fears that if he stops performing, others will notice the emptiness beneath the surface.

So, he continues to perform, and as he does, the emptiness only deepens.

Stage 5 — The Silent Crisis

Stage five is the most dangerous stage—not because anything dramatic is happening, but because everything has gone quiet. He continues to function; he still shows up, produces, and completes the visible tasks. However, something inside him has essentially shut down.

He has stopped questioning the purpose of his life. He no longer expects anything from God and has lost the belief that the second half of his life holds anything worth looking forward to.

The silent crisis is not the end of the story. But it is the last stop before the turn.

THE ANCHOR VERSE

“But when he came to his senses…” — Luke 15:17 (NIV)

The prodigal son doesn’t return home because someone rescues him; he comes home when he realizes the truth of his situation. When the reality of where he is becomes too obvious to ignore, that’s when the change begins.

That moment of clarity—though uncomfortable, disorienting, and necessary—is the goal of every stage of drifting.

Which stage are you in? This is not just a rhetorical question. Identify it honestly—either to yourself or to someone you trust. Acknowledging your situation is the first step toward change.

If one of the stages resonates with you and reflects something you’ve been dealing with in silence, I would genuinely like to hear from you. Feel free to reply; that conversation is exactly what this letter is meant for.

THE REBOUND · 8-WEEK TRANSFORMATION

If you found your stage, there’s a way through.

The Rebound 8-week program is built around the specific work of moving from wherever you are to a rebuilt second half. Each week addresses a different layer of the drift — and builds toward something you haven’t yet seen clearly.

Learn about Rebound →

— Ron

Don’t Bury Your Head

You can control your habits. Your habits are your daily choices. And those choices—rooted in surrender to Christ—shape the kind of future you step into.

TRUTH ALERT for Christian Men!

You CAN’T fully determine your future.

I know—most of us wish we could grab the reins and force things to go our way. If we had that kind of control, life would look a lot different right now: stronger marriage, kids who respect and follow us, deeper walk with Jesus, real purpose firing us up.

But the hard truth? The big-picture future is ultimately in God’s hands. You can pray, hope, and plan… but much of it remains out of your direct control.

EXCEPT With your HABITS.

You can control your habits. Your habits are your daily choices. And those choices—rooted in surrender to Christ—shape the kind of future you step into.

Too many faithful Christian men ignore building godly habits and then wonder why they feel stuck: burned out, distant from their wife, disconnected from their kids, drifting spiritually. It’s like the ostrich with its head in the sand—easier to ignore the conviction than face the pain of change and discipline.

But God calls us to more. He calls us to steward our lives well, to lead our families with strength and love, to live on mission for His kingdom.

I’m curious… Are your current habits creating the life God designed for you? Or are they keeping you stuck in burnout, regret, and mediocrity? Are they leading you toward freedom in Christ—or chaining you to old patterns?

The choices and habits you make today will shape your tomorrow—your marriage, your legacy, your impact for eternity.

That’s exactly why I created the Rebound 8-Week Transformation for Christian Men: an intensive, one-on-one coaching journey to break those chains at the root through ruthless honesty and surrender to Jesus. We rebuild your identity in Christ, restore vitality through disciplined habits, reclaim spiritual authority at home, reignite intimacy in your marriage, and launch you into the bold purpose God has for this season of your life.

If you’re ready to replace derailing habits with ones that lead to real life—life abundant in Him—let’s talk.

Drop the word “REBOUND” in the comment and we’ll set up a call to brainstorm how new, Christ-centered habits can transform your future starting now.

Your family needs the man God is calling you to become. Who’s ready to step up?

Need help making clear choices?

Every great comeback starts with one clear decision

Men, every great comeback starts with one clear decision.

Too many of us stall in midlife—providing and showing up but feeling hollow. There’s no fire, no direction, and no real leadership at home. This changes when you learn to decide like the man God created you to be.

Here’s my simple, 5-Minute Decision Protocol that I use myself and teach to my Rebound clients. Use it the next time you face a significant decision—whether it’s a career pivot, a marriage reset, a health overhaul, or stepping into your calling.

1. Nail the Question: Write one clear sentence. For example, “Should I take this new role that moves us cross-country?” Remember, vague questions keep you stuck. Clarity gives you power.

2. Check Your Compass: Does this decision move you closer to the life God is calling you to? (Think of strong faith, being a respected husband and father, having a purposeful mission, and maintaining vitality in body and spirit.) If yes, keep going; if no, walk away.

3. Door Test: Is this decision reversible in under 12 months with no lasting damage?

   – Yes (most decisions): Decide quickly with about 70% of the information. Lean towards courageous action.

   – No (this includes one-way doors like kids, marriage vows, or significant moves): Take a deeper look.

4. Gut Filters:

   – Will I regret not doing this in 10 years?

   – On my deathbed, will I be proud of my choice?

   – If my best friend or my son were in my shoes, what would I tell him to do?

5. Final Check: If you find you’re hesitating mainly out of fear, that’s often a signal to move forward. If you feel tired, angry, or drained, give it a night’s sleep and then decide.

Once you’ve made your decision:

– Speak it out loud to your wife or a trusted brother.

– Block the first three actions in your calendar for TODAY.

– Burn the boats.

Track your progress every 90 days: “What worked? What didn’t? Next time, I’ll…” Write down one sentence for each.

That’s how ordinary men become faithful warriors who finish strong.

God didn’t wire you for hesitation—He wired you for stewardship and obedience.

What decision are you facing right now? Drop it below or comment “DECIDE” if you want help working through it. Your family, your legacy, and your calling are waiting on the other side of a clear yes or no. Who’s making one today?

Should Christians Observe Halloween?

Each year, when the leaves turn and fall to the ground, as the days grow shorter and the winds begin to howl, I am asked the same question: Should Christians observe Halloween? Indeed, this is a serious question from well-meaning, faithful people, not to be taken lightly.

This blog is dedicated to helping men follow Jesus, but today’s post is designed to reach a broader audience while also equipping men to discuss this topic with their families and friends.

______________________

Each year, when the leaves turn and fall to the ground, as the days grow shorter and the winds begin to howl, I am asked the same question: Should Christians observe Halloween? Indeed, this is a serious question from well-meaning, faithful people, not to be taken lightly. While I have written on this subject before, it’s appropriate to revisit the question from a historical and theological perspective, particularly as American culture drifts further from its Christian memory.

The Origins of Halloween

Is Halloween a continuation of the pagan festival, Samhain (SOW-in)? Marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of a new year, the ancient Celts observed this festival to welcome the dark half of the year.

The ancient Celts believed that during this season, the…veil between the seen and unseen realms became thin. Because of this thinning, the spirits could easily cross between the realms and enter our world. For this reason, the Celts would offer up food and drink to the spirits, and occasionally an animal sacrifice to appease them as well. It was also believed that the souls of the departed would revisit their homes seeking hospitality.[1]

I think we’d be hard-pressed, in our American culture, to see Christians (even spiritually immature Christians) making animal sacrifices or welcoming departed spirits into their homes. So, what are the origins of Halloween?

“Halloween” is simply a contraction for All Hallows’ Eve. The word “hallow” means “saint,” in that “hallow” is just an alternative form of the word “holy” (“hallowed be Thy name”). All Saints’ Day is November 1. It is the celebration of the victory of the saints in union with Christ. The observance of various celebrations of All Saints arose in the late 300s, and these were united and fixed on November 1 in the late 700s. The origin of All Saints Day and of All Saints Eve in Mediterranean Christianity had nothing to do with Celtic Druidism or the Church’s fight against Druidism…[2]

Halloween has always been distinctively Christian. Since the earliest days of the Christian movement, the Church has sought to bring all things under the lordship of Jesus. “The way Christianity has done this is through the paradigm of bless, baptize, or burn.”[3] When the missional church encountered a pagan ritual that could be redeemed for Jesus, it baptized and accepted it. So, if missionaries did encounter Samhain, they chose to redeem it for the gospel.

Consequently, the church saw the birth of All Saints Day, and its Eve (All Hallows’ Eve). “The Biblical day begins in the preceding evening, and thus in the Church calendar, the eve of the day is the actual beginning of the festive day (i.e., Christmas Eve). All Saints Eve precedes All Saints Day.”[4] On All Saints Day, the Church remembers Christians who have recently died and joined the Church Triumphant.

Spiritual Implications

As a person who believes in the unseen realm and who has personally encountered its manifestation in the physical realm, I think the Church must consider the theological implications of observing All Hallows Eve and All Saints Day. The defeat of evil, Satanic powers, is associated with Halloween.

The Festival of All Saints reminds us that though Jesus has finished His work, we have not finished ours. He has struck the decisive blow, but we have the privilege of working in the mopping-up operation. Thus, century by century the Christian faith has rolled back the demonic realm of ignorance, fear, and superstition…The concept, as dramatized in Christian custom, is quite simple: On October 31, the demonic realm tries one last time to achieve victory, but is banished by the joy of the Kingdom.[5]

How is the demonic realm vanquished? Jordan suggests it is by mockery. “Satan’s great sin (and our great sin) is pride. Thus, to drive Satan from us we ridicule him…because he has lost the battle with Jesus and he no longer has power over us.”[6] Ancient Christian cathedrals included gargoyles with their tongues sticking out as a way to mock the defeated spiritual enemy. Martin Luther famously posted his 95 Theses on the door of the Wittenberg Chapel on Halloween to ridicule the devil’s schemes and initiate the Reformation of the Church. Additionally, the tradition of dressing children in costumes emerged as a way to celebrate the complete defeat of Satan by Jesus Christ. We have NO FEAR!

The mockery that occurs at Halloween is a mockery rooted in our union with Christ (Romans 5:1-5) and in what he has done. He has disarmed the rulers and principalities and has put them to shame, triumphing over them (Colossians 1:15-23). Because of our union with Him, we are participating…in a covenant mockery that is united to Christ.[7]

Should Christians Observe Halloween?

We now return to our main question. While you may want a clear answer, the truth is that it depends on your conscience. For many people, celebrating Halloween is not just about decorations, costumes, or candy. It reflects how Halloween is viewed in today’s American culture.

Unfortunately, many discussions about Halloween tend to judge those who celebrate it. Some Christians focus too much on the holiday’s negative sides and adopt a strict viewpoint.

We need to remember that most people—both Christians and non-Christians—who celebrate Halloween are not engaging in occult practices or worshipping demons. Families who take their kids trick-or-treating or go to fall parties are not looking for ghosts or playing with Ouija boards. For them, it is just a fun day centered around the fall season.

Regardless of our feelings about Halloween, we should avoid being judgmental. If we criticize others, we miss chances to connect with them and share the gospel. Halloween can open doors for conversation and outreach. For example, events like Trunk-or-Treat bring many families together and can be a way for Christians to connect with their communities.

That said, there are real concerns about the occult, and the church should be aware of it. The Bible warns against practices like necromancy, divination, and witchcraft. Jesus’ victory over evil is good news for those who fear spirits or get involved in the occult. Many modern pagans and Wiccans see Halloween as a special night when the barrier between the living and the dead is thin. Their rituals, which involve communicating with the dead, should concern believers because they go against God’s Word, unlike trick-or-treaters just looking for candy. Whether we choose to celebrate Halloween or not, we must remember that Jesus has already defeated evil—He is stronger than any demons or dark powers.

The Bible gives us guidance on how to view holidays. The Apostle Paul spoke about Christian freedom and offered guidance for observing holidays. He reminded the Roman believers that some saw meat sacrificed to idols as off-limits, while others did not. Some regarded certain days as more special than others. Instead of taking sides, Paul focused on the freedom we have in Christ, emphasizing that believers should aim to honor God and uplift others (Romans 14:5-6, 19). Those who felt comfortable eating meat sacrificed to idols could do so with a clear conscience but should also consider how their decisions would affect others. Ultimately, love for God and for fellow believers should come first.

Christians today can learn from this idea of freedom in Christ. We can choose to celebrate holidays or skip them; neither choice is better than the other. We shouldn’t force our choices on fellow believers. Those in the early church who felt they could eat meat offered to idols respected others who viewed the food as unclean (Romans 14:13-15).

Celebrating the joys and blessings of the season can honor God. We can appreciate the excitement of children dressing up and collecting candy from neighbors. Enjoying time with friends, picking and carving pumpkins, is also a blessing. Furthermore, Jesus’ victory over evil gives us many reasons to be thankful.

[1]Robinson, Josh. Re-enchanting Time: A Primer on How Christ’s Lordship Ren-enchants Time-Keeping. Haven Press. Cleveland, OH, 2025. Page 71.

[2] Mocking Christ’s Enemies: A Defense of Halloween. James B. Jordan. Mocking Christ’s Enemies: A Defense of Halloween – Gospel Spam

[3] Robinson. Page 78.

[4] Ibid. Page 74.

[5] Jordan.

[6] Ibid.

[7] Robinson. Page 77.

Your Boys Shall Be Kings

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

I’m republishing my article from a few years ago. I think it still resonates.

_________

There is a war on the masculine soul. Many boys are growing up with no real masculine influence. Gender confusion is rising. In many places (homes, offices, institutional churches), a Feminist worldview is blocking the male energy. Just within the last year or two, a father in Texas lost his lawsuit to keep his son’s mother from raising the boy as a female. Before we fully see the damage among men and boys in our Western culture, it may be another generation.

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

You may regret that your dad was absent from your development. You may have missed the relationship you saw other boys have with their dads. Maybe you wished that your dad threw a ball with you, listened to your questions about girls or cars, or cared about what you wanted to be when you grew up.

For some men, there is a dad-shaped hole in their lives. John Eldredge writes, “Every boy on his journey to becoming a man takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father.”

During the early quarantine of the Covid pandemic, my youngest son took up skateboarding. He got pretty good. So for Christmas, he wanted a snowboard. I was hesitant. He’d never snowboarded before. He watched some YouTubers and thought it would be fun. I told him it was nothing like skateboarding. But he was determined.

So, he got a snowboard.

That weekend we hit the slopes. He hurried to the ski lift and rode it up a moderate hill. Until then, he had only practiced on a small hill in our yard. This slope was formidable for a beginner. He stepped onto his board and nudged to the edge of the mountain. As I watched from below, I saw him push off…and fall! Then I saw him get up, get his balance and go again. He fell. He fell just about all the way down the hill.

When he reached the bottom, I could see frustration and disappointment on his face. He had forgotten how long it took him to balance his skateboard and learn those techniques. I could see the disconnect in his eyes. “I can skate. Why isn’t it working on slopes?”

As he sat at the bottom of the hill, I knew this was an influential moment. So rather than an “I told you so,” I said, “Good try.” His response? “I think I’ll try a smaller hill.” I agreed. He boarded for two hours. Falling often. But encouraged frequently. “Bend your knees. Keep your head up. Give it another try.” By the following weekend, he was cruising! He returned to the hill that gave him his first defeat and boarded down without falling! He’s getting better.

What would have happened if I did say, “I told you so. You’ll never get this. Pack it in!” Those words would have been an arrow through his heart. He would live with a deep wound.

Masculinity is bestowed from one man to another. From a man to a boy. From a father to a son. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man. He cannot learn it from a woman. He cannot learn it from other boys. The father must bless his son, conferring masculinity upon him. Then boys will become kings.

A sad reality is that many men are walking around trying to find the blessing their father never gave them. Men are looking for help, respect, and guidance – a picture of real masculinity – never given to them, thus crippling their growth from boyhood to manhood. You may be one of those men.

The curse can stop with you! You may be crippled, creeping through life without your father’s blessing. That hurts! It can be undone but will require focused work and significant mentoring by other men. But you must not pass this on to your sons. Stop the bleeding. Bless your boy.

How will you get this done? Here’s what’s always worked. Use this as a starting point.

  1. Time spent makes a world of difference. Looking back on my own life, I have few memories of time spent with my father.

Some of the most recent research suggests that the average dad spends seven minutes daily on focused attention. That’s not going to get it done! Absenteeism may cause your son to feel emotionally distressed, guilty, or sad. Over time, a lack of attention could lead your son into risky behavior.

  • Blaze some trails together. Share an adventure. Walking through the woods is bonding time well spent. In ancient cultures, there was the belief that a boy only becomes a man through ritual and effort. There is a story from one tribal tradition where the men take the boys away for initiation. They are taken away from their mothers and into the woods. When he returns, the mother pretends not to know her son and asks to be introduced to “this young man.” What a beautiful picture of passage from boyhood into manhood. The son moves from his mother’s world to his father’s world.
  • Show them how to be strong. My boys loved the wrestling matches on the living room floor when they were younger. They’d come and jump on me, hungering for a challenge and physical touch. They’d try and pin me down. As they got older (and stronger), it was arm wrestling. Boys love to test their strength.

Your strength will inspire them. They’ll care for themselves in the way they see you care for yourself. Your strength and confidence will inspire them.

  • Help them discover their purpose. We no longer have the gift of apprenticeship built into our culture. There were days when boys could learn a valuable craft that would produce a remarkable career. But boys still need help discovering their gifts and purpose.

We talk about this often in my house. We see the value not only in education but in living life with purpose, finding a way to do what you love pivoting when necessary. My boys have always been encouraged to try many new experiences. Sometimes their choices have surprised me, but I appreciate their willingness to try.

The war on the masculine soul is real. Boys and men are on the front line every day. We are in the battle whether we want to be or not.  Save your son and give him a fighting chance!

A boy will never be a man if his masculinity is stripped from him. The world is full of men who have never been initiated into manhood. Don’t miss the chance you have.

The Boy I Was, the Man I Will Be

Reflection is a vital practice, especially at this stage of life. Many men lose themselves in the routine of daily life. They forget to assess who they are. They also forget to evaluate who they want to be. Don’t let that be your story.

A Call to Action for Men in the Second Half of Life

As I recently went through my old journals, I was flooded with memories and reflections. My entries began in 1989 when I was twenty. Back then, I was just a boy on the verge of becoming a man, filled with dreams and optimism. I hadn’t journaled before. The encouragement of Christian friends inspired me to put pen to paper. This act would become a profound part of my growth.

Today, I reflect on those early entries through the lens of my experiences. I realize that this journey has shaped me. I am still becoming the man I aspire to be. I want to share some insights with you. They may inspire your own journey. You are navigating this important stage of life.

– Rekindle Your Innocence: Remember the days when life felt simpler. Your faith was untainted by the complexities of adulthood. Embrace that innocence again! It’s never too late to pursue dreams with that same fervor and clarity. Let go of the cynicism that may have crept in over the years.

– Revisit Your Commitment: Think back to your early passion—when your commitment to your beliefs and values was fresh. That fire is still within you, waiting to be reignited. Draw strength from your values and let them guide your actions today.

– Be Bold in Your Pursuits: Life can present challenges that feel daunting. Now is not the time to retreat. Embrace your calling with courage. The strength gained through experience equips you to take bold risks and pursue your purpose with confidence.

– Stay Humble and Teachable: The learning never stops. Be open to the lessons that life presents. Allow yourself to grow in wisdom, and stay eager for the things that add depth and meaning to your life.

As I reflected on my past, I confronted the reality that my perspective has shifted over time. While the challenges I’ve faced have often led to cynicism, those experiences have profoundly shaped me. Yet, with awareness comes empowerment—the opportunity to change direction.

Reflection is a vital practice, especially at this stage of life. Many men lose themselves in the routine of daily life. They forget to assess who they are. They also forget to evaluate who they want to be. Don’t let that be your story. When life becomes overwhelming, strive to keep your composure and purpose.

Reading through my journals reignited a desire within me to reclaim the passion I had in my youth. If I’m to thrive in the next chapter of my life, it’s time to awaken from the slumber of complacency. I am determined to shed negativity. I will embrace a renewed sense of holiness. This is not a quiet meekness but a fiery passion. It propels me toward my calling.

Think of resilience—like Russell Crowe in Robin Hood. As he rises to face challenges, we too can make a commitment. We can “rise and rise again until lambs become lions” in this crucial part of our lives.

So here’s my challenge to you: Start journaling if you haven’t already. Chronicle your thoughts, aspirations, and the lessons learned along the way. Revisit those entries and track your personal growth. Pay close attention to what ignites your passion and blends seamlessly with your purpose. If you find yourself drifting off course, it’s time to make some changes.

You are worth the effort. Reclaim those dreams from your youth, and embrace the man you are destined to become.

Let go of the baggage that has accumulated over the years. Confess your struggles, seek forgiveness, and allow the Holy Spirit to awaken the fire within you. If you’ve lost your path, now is the moment to remember who you once wanted to be. Take the time to make a plan, seek guidance, and take that all-important first step.

Let’s rise together, not just for ourselves but for the lives we have yet to touch—rise and rise again!

Today’s simple thought…

Men in the second half of life find themselves uniquely positioned to keep their integrity and model discipleship for younger followers of Jesus.

Let me know what you think.

Personal Well-Being for Ministry Leaders

Sustainable leadership isn’t just about doing more; it’s about protecting what truly matters and caring for yourself in the process.

In the demanding world of ministry, leaders often lose sight of their personal lives. They get caught up in their professional commitments. This blurring of boundaries can lead to exhaustion and diminished effectiveness, which is a heavy burden for anyone to bear. Establishing clear boundaries means setting specific limits on time, energy, and responsibilities. This practice is essential for maintaining personal well-being. It also enhances the ability to make a meaningful impact in the lives of others. Without these protective measures, the threat of burnout can loom large. It deeply affects individual leaders. It can also impact the entire congregation they serve.

This issue is not just theoretical; current statistics reveal a troubling reality. By 2025, it is estimated that 40% of pastors will be at high risk for burnout. This is a staggering increase of 400% from the 11% recorded in 2015. Additionally, 42% of pastors have seriously considered leaving ministry altogether, clearly illustrating the intense pressures they face. Loneliness can add to these challenges, with 65% of pastors reporting feelings of isolation, and 18% feeling this way frequently.

Studies from organizations like Barna and Lifeway highlight the unique vulnerabilities that ministry leaders experience. These vulnerabilities are often due to the expectation of being available around the clock. The emotional labor required in their roles also contributes to these challenges.

It’s essential to understand why boundaries are important. They prevent feelings of resentment. They offer opportunities for spiritual renewal. They create a model of healthy living for those around us. Jesus understood this necessity. He stepped away for prayer amidst the chaos of His ministry. We see this in Luke 5:16. His example shows that taking time for rest is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is sacred. It is also an essential part of our life’s work.

To support leaders in establishing healthier practices, here’s a four-step Rebound plan that will resonate:

1. Assess and Define: Each week, carve out time to evaluate your schedule. Find your non-negotiables—be it family time, personal rest, or Sabbath moments—and communicate these openly. This transparency helps foster understanding and support.

2. Delegate and Prioritize: Acknowledge that it’s okay to share the load. Identify tasks that others can take on to free you up for your core calling. Tools like to-do lists can help clarify your priorities and keep you focused on what truly matters.

3. Practice Self-Care: Ensure you dedicate time each day to activities that nourish your physical, emotional, and spiritual health. You can do this through exercise, hobbies that bring you joy, or even seeking professional support. Consider finding a coach for accountability; it can make a significant difference.

4. Review and Adjust: At the end of each month, take a thoughtful moment. Reflect on what’s working. Consider what could be improved. Celebrate even the small wins, as they can help build momentum and motivate you to keep going.

By embracing these boundaries, ministry leaders can find paths to thrive, serving with renewed passion and purpose. Sustainable leadership isn’t just about doing more; it’s about protecting what truly matters and caring for yourself in the process. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Taking these steps can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling ministry experience.