Tag: Leadership

You’re Disappointed in Ministry Because You’re Burned Out.

We’ve been taught to focus on outcomes. The outcome defines personal and ministry success. And if we don’t achieve the expected outcome, we begin to devalue ourselves. Too many failures and we end up in the pit of despair.

A recent post on PositivePsychology.com provides substance to my statement.

“Employees who experience burnout will initially primarily complain of exhaustion. This exhaustion may be referred to as fatigue, tiredness, or feeling low on energy. It appears unshakeable. The fatigue is chronic (i.e., long-term) and continuous.

Next, employees suffering from burnout will appear pessimistic about their work. Their pessimism can manifest in various ways. For example, they may adopt an overtly negative view of their work. Their pessimism can be less overt and more subtle; for example, they may appear unmotivated, disinterested, or uncommitted.

As a result, employees will report feeling despondent about their performance and output in the workplace.”[1]

The phrase that stands out to me in this excerpt is “pessimistic about their work.” This is a great way of describing disappointment. Where have you been disappointed in ministry lately?

Because the Christian ministry leader works with people, there is always an opportunity to be disappointed or let down. We should expect those moments. But, sometimes, the one you’re most disappointed in is yourself. Or, maybe God.

For me, I’ve most often struggled with disappointment when those I led did not live up to my expectations. The outcome was not what I wanted, so I spiraled down into disappointment, frustration, and loneliness, eventually doubting my calling and ability to lead.

I wonder how many other Christian ministry leaders can identify with this.

We’ve been taught to focus on outcomes. The outcome defines personal and ministry success. And if we don’t achieve the expected outcome, we begin to devalue ourselves. Too many failures and we end up in the pit of despair.

Ministry becomes all about what you can do and achieve! If you’re successful in what you do, that just feeds the machine. You stack your successes, and you look like a genius until the wrong Jenga block is pulled out. Everything falls, and you don’t know what to do.

Outcome-based ministry is destroying good Christian ministry leaders.

We need a different ministry model. A model that orbits around Jesus and who he is making you as his follower and as a leader of his people.

Joseph Stowell has some great insight into all of this when he writes that we need Character-driven leaders “whose exemplary lives influence and empower those within the sphere of their authority to achieve great outcomes personally, spiritually, communally, and organizationally…The power behind their leadership is leveraged by their moral authority that comes from the credibility of their lives.”[2]

Character-driven leadership can break the cycle of disappointment and burnout among Christian ministry leaders. Why? It’s a leadership model that is focused on your discipleship.

In short, you’re not building the kingdom. Jesus is building his kingdom by building you. Your task as a leader is the same task of every follower of Jesus: allow the Holy Spirit to produce his fruit in you (Galatians 5). There are multiple ways for this to happen, but it begins with submission to the Spirit and not CEO strategies.

Matthew gives us insight into all of this when he writes about a parable Jesus taught (Matthew 25:14-30). Stowell comments on this,

Consistently, Scripture calls us to choose character-driven leadership. In the story of the ten talents, those who successfully stewarded the master’s estate were rewarded with this character-affirming declaration: “Well done, good and faithful servant.” While outcomes are not unimportant in the story, the affirmation is about the character of the steward that produced the outcomes – affirmation about who the steward is (good and faithful) and an affirmation about how the steward leads (servant).[3]

Leadership is, first and foremost, about character. The leader’s character drives the ministry.

So, Christian ministry leader, if you’re spiraling down into the pit of disappointment and despair, use it as a time of retreat and healing. Take care of your relationship with Jesus. Hear him speak these words of life into your spirit – “well done good and faithful servant.”

Break out of the American trap of trying to build your spiritual empire. This trap leads to disappointment. Instead, let the Holy Spirit produce his fruit in you and transform you from the inside out. The character transformation will be evident to those you are called to lead. They’ll most likely respond to your leadership because you have a new authority that comes from the credibility of your life. And, if they don’t respond, you’re still secure with Jesus, and maybe Jesus will start working in their lives differently.

If you’re disappointed in ministry, redefine your leadership!

___________________

If this article has been helpful, let me know. If you’re a Christian ministry leader struggling with burnout, frustration, or disappointment and reconsidering your call, reach out to me before making any big decisions. I help burned-out Christian ministry leaders discover their next assignment in life.

[1] Alicia Nortje, “What Is Burnout? 16 Signs and Symptoms of Excessive Stress,” PositivePsychology.com, February 27, 2021, What Is Burnout? 16 Signs and Symptoms of Excessive Stress (positivepsychology.com).

[2] Joseph Stowell, Redefining Leadership: Character-Driven Habits of Effective Leaders (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2014), 24.

[3] Ibid., 27.

Your Boys Shall Be Kings

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

There is a war on the masculine soul. Many boys are growing up with no real masculine influence. Gender confusion is rising. In many places (homes, offices, institutional churches), a Feminist worldview is blocking the male energy. Just within the last year or two, a father in Texas lost his lawsuit to keep his son’s mother from raising the boy as a female. Before we fully see the damage among men and boys in our Western culture, it may be another generation.

Boys need strong masculine influence, especially from their fathers. But, the truth is, most men must also acknowledge their lack of strong, influential fathers.

You may regret that your dad was absent from your development. You may have missed the relationship you saw other boys have with their dads. Maybe you wished that your dad threw a ball with you, listened to your questions about girls or cars, or cared about what you wanted to be when you grew up.

For some men, there is a dad-shaped hole in their lives. John Eldredge writes, “Every boy on his journey to becoming a man takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father.”

During the early quarantine of the Covid pandemic, my youngest son took up skateboarding. He got pretty good. So for Christmas, he wanted a snowboard. I was hesitant. He’d never snowboarded before. He watched some YouTubers and thought it would be fun. I told him it was nothing like skateboarding. But he was determined.

So, he got a snowboard.

That weekend we hit the slopes. He hurried to the ski lift and rode it up a moderate hill. Until then, he had only practiced on a small hill in our yard. This slope was formidable for a beginner. He stepped onto his board and nudged to the edge of the mountain. As I watched from below, I saw him push off…and fall! Then I saw him get up, get his balance and go again. He fell. He fell just about all the way down the hill.

When he reached the bottom, I could see frustration and disappointment on his face. He had forgotten how long it took him to balance his skateboard and learn those techniques. I could see the disconnect in his eyes. “I can skate. Why isn’t it working on slopes?”

As he sat at the bottom of the hill, I knew this was an influential moment. So rather than an “I told you so,” I said, “Good try.” His response? “I think I’ll try a smaller hill.” I agreed. He boarded for two hours. Falling often. But encouraged frequently. “Bend your knees. Keep your head up. Give it another try.” By the following weekend, he was cruising! He returned to the hill that gave him his first defeat and boarded down without falling! He’s getting better.

What would have happened if I did say, “I told you so. You’ll never get this. Pack it in!” Those words would have been an arrow through his heart. He would live with a deep wound.

Masculinity is bestowed from one man to another. From a man to a boy. From a father to a son. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man. He cannot learn it from a woman. He cannot learn it from other boys. The father must bless his son, conferring masculinity upon him. Then boys will become kings.

A sad reality is that many men are walking around trying to find the blessing their father never gave them. Men are looking for help, respect, and guidance – a picture of real masculinity – never given to them, thus crippling their growth from boyhood to manhood. You may be one of those men.

The curse can stop with you! You may be crippled, creeping through life without your father’s blessing. That hurts! It can be undone but will require focused work and significant mentoring by other men. But you must not pass this on to your sons. Stop the bleeding. Bless your boy.

How will you get this done? Here’s what’s always worked. Use this as a starting point.

  1. Time spent makes a world of difference. Looking back on my own life, I have few memories of time spent with my father.

Some of the most recent research suggests that the average dad spends seven minutes daily on focused attention. That’s not going to get it done! Absenteeism may cause your son to feel emotionally distressed, guilty, or sad. Over time, a lack of attention could lead your son into risky behavior.

  • Blaze some trails together. Share an adventure. Walking through the woods is bonding time well spent. In ancient cultures, there was the belief that a boy only becomes a man through ritual and effort. There is a story from one tribal tradition where the men take the boys away for initiation. They are taken away from their mothers and into the woods. When he returns, the mother pretends not to know her son and asks to be introduced to “this young man.” What a beautiful picture of passage from boyhood into manhood. The son moves from his mother’s world to his father’s world.
  • Show them how to be strong. My boys loved the wrestling matches on the living room floor when they were younger. They’d come and jump on me, hungering for a challenge and physical touch. They’d try and pin me down. As they got older (and stronger), it was arm wrestling. Boys love to test their strength.

Your strength will inspire them. They’ll care for themselves in the way they see you care for yourself. Your strength and confidence will inspire them.

  • Help them discover their purpose. We no longer have the gift of apprenticeship built into our culture. There were days when boys could learn a valuable craft that would produce a remarkable career. But boys still need help discovering their gifts and purpose.

We talk about this often in my house. We see the value not only in education but in living life with purpose, finding a way to do what you love pivoting when necessary. My boys have always been encouraged to try many new experiences. Sometimes their choices have surprised me, but I appreciate their willingness to try.

The war on the masculine soul is real. Boys and men are on the front line every day. We are in the battle whether we want to be or not.  Save your son and give him a fighting chance!

A boy will never be a man if his masculinity is stripped from him. The world is full of men who have never been initiated into manhood. Don’t miss the chance you have.

Coaching Helps Pastors Discover Their Leadership Values

In the ever-changing landscape of leadership, it will be essential for leaders to know themselves and their core values. Modern culture is constantly in flux and influences the church both positively and negatively. Contemporary Christian leadership will require men and women to be secure in their values and exercise their leadership from them. As Delores Ambrose believes, beginning from this position will allow these persons to “choose to have an extraordinary impact on the situations in which they find themselves.”[1]  Every successful ministry includes a clear mission. What helped clarify my mission and purpose? Let me walk you through the same tool I used. Spend time reflecting on these questions and keep at them until you reach a point of certainty.

The Pastor’s Rocking Chair

Getting Clear on Your Mission

Do you ever wonder what your clear purpose is? This exercise helps you see your vision for your life and ministry. Allow yourself 20 minutes of quiet time to think and write your answer in the space below! This is about you, so let your imagination go, write a story and paint a picture of your life with words. Take a moment to imagine you are blissfully happy and healthy and ninety years old. You’re sitting in your rocking chair and looking back over your life and ministry. Answer these questions as fully as you can.

1. Who are you as a person? What is it about you that people value?

2. What have you achieved? What are you proud of? What gives you a sense of fulfillment?

3. Consider how your life unfolded in the following areas; Family, Friends, Career, Health, Home, what you did for Fun and Leisure, what you learned about, and what you did in Service, Leadership, or your Community.

4. Finally, what shows you are truly happy?

Each of these questions communicates something about your mission and purpose. If you need more help, add these questions to the mix.

What most excites you in the world?

What most angers you in the world?

If you could teach three things to others about what excites you in the world, what would you teach?

Your Line in the Sand

Determine Your Core Values

Core values are your fixed position. The consistent and reliable way you respond time after time. They are your north star. Whether or not you are aware of them, core values will always show up in your actions and decisions. You need a line in the sand.

When I was younger and starting ministry, I didn’t have a line in the sand. I was too busy trying to impress my superintendent, fellow pastors, and the people I served. I would do whatever they wanted. My mission was squashed day after day. I was miserable. I felt like I could not say “no.” And I really couldn’t. I didn’t know what I stood for. I didn’t know my line in the sand.

One of my favorite presidents and historical leaders is John Adams. He was the philosopher and idea man behind the American Revolution. After becoming the second president of the United States, Adams revealed the values he used as guide rails. He wrote, “I must study politics and war, so my sons may have the liberty to study painting and poetry, mathematics and philosophy.”[2] Adams knew why he did what he did. He was grounded in his daily decisions. When his back was against the wall, he knew the response he would make time and time again. You and I need lines in the sand. Core values are lines in the sand.

Core values are your fixed position. The consistent and reliable way you respond time after time. They are your north star. Whether or not you are aware of them, core values will always show up in your actions and decisions. When I got serious about my mission, I knew I needed to discern my values. Here’s what flowed out of me.

I value…

Excellence

Self-improvement

Truth

Optimism

These values guide my decisions and actions – no matter what. These show me when to say “yes” and, more importantly, when to say ”no.” You might be asking, how do I discern my values? Make a list. Here’s the way to start. Find a comfortable place, get a notepad, and start writing words that you believe describe you. Some words might be “courageous, stubborn, helpful, loving, compassionate, driven, faith, excellence, commitment….” Spend time with this and write what comes to mind.

You may even want to think about positive words others have used to describe you. Once you have your list, highlight three to five words that resonate deeply with you. These are words that warm your heart and put fire in your belly. Only choose three to five words. You will live by these characteristics and habits when your back is against the wall. These values will need to be your line in the sand. You’ve got to ask yourself, “Will these things I’ve chosen to guide my decisions last when it gets hard? Or will I respond oppositely?” If your core values don’t work when you have to make a hard decision, they are not values but wishes. You will know if your values are right the first time you must say “no” to someone.

Create Habits to Support Your Mission

            Wasn’t it great getting clarity on your life purpose? You have a purpose statement now that can be honed and modified over time. It’s a working document. But every good life purpose statement needs a path or a course. Your purpose propels you forward into action. This requires discipline and good habits.

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves… self-discipline with all of them came first.”– Harry S. Truman

Self-discipline determines success. It is the magic bullet to unlock your potential and finally move forward with your life. Self-discipline is the ability to put off what you want at the moment for what you want in the long run. It is a habit of self-regulation for the sake of improvement. Some have said it’s the ability to do the things you don’t want to do. Are you familiar with the marshmallow experiment? Four-year-old children were each given one marshmallow. They could either eat the marshmallow immediately or, if they waited 15 minutes, could receive another marshmallow. The kids who could wait generally became successful and well-adjusted adults.

In contrast, the kids who quickly ate the first marshmallow had more trouble dealing with stress, frustration, and impulse control. Everyone wants a shortcut on how to be more disciplined. But there isn’t one. It is simply a matter of training. It is saying “No!” to the things that waste your life and your time and saying “Yes!” to habits that draw you closer to success. Replacing your old habits and lifestyle with new ones is crucial. There are consequences to your actions. If you want new results and positive consequences, change your actions.

Design a New Routine

            You will only succeed in your leadership values when you learn to say “no” to the old habits. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Be consistent with what you’re walking away from, and you will see change. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself. Use the following questions to reconsider your new routines and priorities in leadership and life.

My Top 3 PRIORITIES in leadership right now are:

1. _______________________      

2. _______________________        

3. _______________________

My Top 3 STRESSORS in leadership right now are:           

1. _______________________        

2. _______________________        

3. _______________________

What supportive daily habits or specific daily actions could you introduce? Write up to 5 actions that best support your leadership decisions. They must be specific and measurable, so you know exactly what to do and can clearly say you have completed the step!

EXAMPLES:

–   Have 15 minutes of silence or alone time each day

–   Drink 8 glasses of water a day

–   Be at my desk by 8:00 am / leave by 6:00 pm every day

–   Be in bed by 10:30 pm

–   Do at least 30 mins exercise/activity every day    

–  Make all my calls in the first hour of the day

–  Write my top 3 priorities for the day out every morning before starting work

–   Connect daily with my spouse (5 mins listening)

–   Write all appointments down – in one place

Habit                                                                                       Benefit to me

1.         _____________                           __________________

2.         _____________                           __________________

3.         _____________                           __________________

4.         _____________                           __________________

5.         _____________                           __________________

Which of these habits will I commit to and when?

I will start _______________________________________

I will start _______________________________________

I will start _______________________________________    

Final Thoughts

You need a companion on your journey. It would be best to have a team around you cheering, encouraging, and supporting you. Who is holding you accountable? Accountability is not a word we like, but we need it. Name that one person whom you trust and who can legitimately hold you accountable for the plan you’ve just been laying out. If the only name you came up with is your own, that will be a problem. We cannot be our own accountability partner. Using these practical techniques will assist with your leadership development as a pastor. Whether in the Franklin District or other ministry settings, the more you are self-aware, the more impactful your leadership will become.

[1] Delorese Ambrose, Leadership: The Journey Inward (Dubuque, IA: Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company, 1995), 13.

[2] New England Historical Society, “John Adams Writes to Abigail: “I Must Study Politicks and War,” 2017, https://newenglandhistoricalsociety.com/john-adams-writes-to-abigail-i-must-study-politicks-and-war/.

Coaching is the Best Resource for Leadership Development

I believe in coaching, and I think coaching develops the best leaders.

“Coaching is Unlocking a Person’s Potential to Maximize Their Growth.”

John Whitmore

Thousands of books, conferences, and study aids have been created to address leadership development. While each holds value, perhaps no other resource is more long-lasting and effective than coaching. Why is coaching so powerfully helpful in leadership development? Keith Webb attributes coaching’s success to the “ongoing intentional conversation that empowers a person or group to fully live out God’s calling.”[1] I believe in coaching, and I think coaching develops the best leaders. Why do I believe in and recommend coaching? Because it has worked for me, and I’ve seen it work powerfully in the dozens of leaders I’ve coached.

As a young pastor, I wrestled with my calling and mission. While I had a few mentors, I routinely felt isolated and confused. How should I lead? Where am I going? What is my calling about? All became routine questions for me. During this point of ministry, coaching emerged as a new discipline. I quickly took advantage of opportunities to be coached. After several personality and leadership inventories, I found myself sitting under the coaching of a trusted ministry leader. The following months brought extensive clarity to the questions I had struggled through. Soon, I experienced greater confidence and intentionality in the ministry to which I was called. I became a believer in coaching.

Why Has Coaching Become So Popular?

Since my personal experience with coaching in its infancy, it has become increasingly popular as a form of leadership development. As organizations strive to create a culture of growth, development, and engagement, coaching is the perfect tool to help leaders reach their goals. Coaching provides a safe and supportive environment for leaders to uncover their potential and develop their skills while positively impacting the organization.

The main benefit of coaching as a form of leadership development is its focus on the individual. Rather than imposing a specific leadership style or strategy, coaching allows leaders to explore their strengths and weaknesses, identify areas of improvement, and develop new skills. Coaching provides a personalized approach to leadership development, allowing each leader to find their unique growth path. Coaching also provides an opportunity for leaders to gain greater self-awareness. Through coaching, leaders can better understand themselves and their impact on the organization.

Coaching Helps a Leader Get Clarity

 Coaching is all about clarity. Coaching can be incredibly effective in developing the best leaders because it helps the leader to identify their strengths and weaknesses. Through coaching, leaders can gain insight into their skills, abilities, and weaknesses. This allows them to focus their energy on the areas in which they need improvement and identify areas of strength that can be leveraged for success. With this knowledge, leaders can develop strategies to improve their weak spots, build on their strengths, learn from mistakes, improve their communication skills, and become more self-aware and confident in their leadership ability.

Furthermore, coaching helps leaders gain clarity from their mistakes. Coaching encourages leaders to reflect on their past experiences and have an honest conversation about what they could have done differently. This helps the leader become more aware of their mistakes and to learn from them. By doing this, the leader can develop better problem-solving skills and make better decisions in the future.

Additionally, when it comes to clarity, coaching helps leaders improve their communication skills. Effective communication is essential. Through coaching, the leader can practice communication techniques such as active listening, constructive feedback, and open dialogue. This helps the leader become more confident in their ability to communicate with others and to be able to influence and motivate their team effectively.

Finally, achieving clarity helps leaders become more self-aware. Through coaching, leaders can gain greater insight into their beliefs, values, and motivations. By becoming more self-aware, the leader can better identify areas of improvement and develop strategies for success.

Clarity is achieved through the questioning process. In his book, The Coach Model, Keith Webb asks three types of questions of the coachee. Exploring questions “examine the topic that the coachee wants to work on to understand it more fully.”[2] Clarifying questions provide for understanding and “promote greater clarity in the coachee.”[3] Focusing questions “narrow the topic to something that is both manageable to achieve during the length of the conversation and immediately helpful to the coachee.”[4] Without clarity, the coaching process falls apart.

Clarity Creates Confidence

Find Out What God Wants You To Do and Do It!

It is from clarity, then, that the coachee experiences a rise in confidence. I recently met and coached Abdel Adim, a Christian pastor in Morocco. He was previously Muslim until experiencing salvation through Jesus. His ministry must take place in secret, and his church exists underground, out of the spotlight of those who would do it harm. Abdel shared in our conversation that “we feel as if we are at the beginning of Christianity, as we find in the Acts of the Apostles, and in the first centuries when Christians were persecuted for their faith.”[5] Through listening to his experience and helping him achieve greater clarity on his mission, Abdel could define how he could confidently extend the reach of his ministry even in a challenging context. He communicated a plan to privately meet with those who have begun following Jesus and have questions regarding discipleship. Abdel believes this action will benefit his well-being in the face of opposition and encourage those under his care. Confidence rises as leaders become clear on their purpose.

The Roadmap Paves the Way

What Do You Want?

Clarity and confidence build the next cycle of coaching, which is developing the strategic roadmap. This stage frames one of the most critical questions for the coachee. Logan and Carlton state, “What are you willing to endure to see your vision become a reality?”[6] The roadmap is action, and it is at this level that many run out of gas. So many love to get clarity and burst with confidence but have no follow through with building a plan. Yet, this is the most exciting part of coaching. The coach and coachee co-create and masterfully design a plan for success from point A to point B. This is a movement of reverse engineering. The coachee has a picture of what they want or whom they want to become. Once this picture is clear, they work backward to identify the actions and mindset necessary to achieve that preferred future.

What’s the Bible Say about Coaching?

At its heart, coaching is about coming alongside another person to help them become all God has purposed for them. Coaches mirror the work of the Holy Spirit. It was Jesus who revealed the work of the Holy Spirit when he said, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said” (John 14:26, New International Version). By modeling the Paraclete’s work, coaches have a unique calling to walk with and bring encouragement and direction to another. Furthermore, coaching follows the biblical admonition to “encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, New International Version). Coaches dispense hope. They offer encouragement at just the right time. Occasionally, coaches are directive in their approach, pointing the coachee to better options.

Final Thoughts

Coaching encourages and equips leaders in their self-development. This is especially true for ministry. God is ultimately the one at work in the entire process. He causes growth and transformation. By his grace, he is the one who brings lasting change. This same God chooses to work through people and often through those people who are diligently trained coaches. Coaches have the position of seeing the value in the coachee and working patiently and intentionally to release them into God’s best for their life.

[1] Keith Webb, The Coach Model for Christian Leaders: Powerful Leadership Skills for Solving Problems, Reaching Goals, and Developing Others (New York, NY: Morgan James Publishing, 2004), 13.

[2] Webb, The Coach Model, 59.

[3] Ibid., 62.

[4] Ibid., 62.

[5] Abdel Adim, Facebook Messenger to author, February 4, 2023.

[6] Robert E. Logan and Sherilyn Carlton, Coaching 101: Discover the Power of Coaching (St. Charles, IL: Church Smart Resources, 2003), 49.

Keep Your Head When Everyone is Losing Theirs

The measure of manhood may well be keeping your head when everyone around you is losing theirs.

In 1895, Rudyard Kipling wrote the timeless poem, “If.” The first stanza implores us to “keep our heads” when everyone around us is losing theirs.

“If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs…”

Did Kipling have a time machine? Did he somehow travel to 2020 and quickly escape back to the nineteenth century to write this warning for future generations?

If there is any word which describes 2020, “insanity” would be at the top of many lists. This past week has been no exception. It’s been exhausting, frustrating, and painful at many levels.

Someone has said, “elections have consequences.” All too often the personal consequences are dire. I stayed up way too late Tuesday night (I’m embarrassed to say it was actually Wednesday morning). I thought if I stayed awake I could somehow influence things. So Wednesday I was stressed. My jaw seemed clenched all day. I was so lost in my own thoughts and in such a fog that I found myself ignoring conversations and meaningful interaction with my own family. I found myself glued to the news cycle and talk radio. I kept refreshing my social media for the latest developments. The more I listened and watched the more pain I experienced. I know better. You know better. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY! I was getting sucked into the insanity.

Finally I had to make a decision. It was like facing my addiction all over again. Is this how I want to live? Is this what I want to consume my precious time and relationships? I took action and changed my mind. It’s been a better week since then.

This is what has worked for me, maybe these will help you.

  1. Turn it off. I broke the chain of the 24 hour news cycle. I turned off the TV, the radio, and I set a schedule for when I interacted with social media.
  2. Pick it up. I picked up a book that always inspires and heals me and I read.
  3. Connect. I spent time with a mentor. I reconnected with my friends. And we didn’t talk politics! We encouraged and cared for one another.
  4. Go outside. This week in the northeast has been beautiful. High temperatures and sunshine. Go walk, play, get some vitamin D.
  5. Refocus. What happens next nationally is really out of my hands. I like control but I can’t control this. But what I can control is how I respond. I chose to respond by getting refocused on my “Why.” I choose to double down on my purpose and mission for life. When I focus my mental energy and my actions on what I want to achieve, the noise of insanity vanishes.

Your life is yours to control. You make the most important decisions of your life. You are the constant. You can either be pulled into other people’s insanity, or you can chart your own course.

Kipling ends his poem with this stanza:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

The measure of manhood may well be keeping your head when everyone around you is losing theirs. Live well.

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