You know how Ephesians 5 lays it out: You love like Christ, she respects like the church. It’s a beautiful cycle—until one side breaks. When you drop the ball, her respect doesn’t vanish overnight. It just fades away because she is wired to follow a strong, loving leader. Here’s what usually kills it:
- You stopped putting her first. When you get busy with work, hobbies, or your own comfort, she feels like she’s last on the list. Her heart hardens. It’s not nagging; it’s her soul saying, “Where’s the guy who cherished me?”
- Harsh words. One sarcastic comment, one “whatever,” one silent treatment too many—it piles up. She stops feeling safe, and a wife can’t respect a man who makes her feel small.
- You handed over the leadership. You’re the head, not to rule like a king, but to serve like Jesus. If you’re waffling on decisions, letting her carry the spiritual weight, or just checking out, she feels alone. No woman wants to lead her husband—she wants to follow a man worth following.
- You quit pursuing her heart. You don’t ask how she really feels. You don’t notice when she’s hurting. You don’t make her feel like the most beautiful woman alive. She starts believing you don’t see her. Respect dies when honor fades.
- Your own strength is slipping. This one’s quiet but killer. Porn, laziness, fear, drifting from God—it all shows. She senses when you’re not fighting for your own holiness. Wives are drawn to men who have fire in their souls. When that fire dims, respect dims too.
None of this is to beat you up—it’s to wake you up. The Bible says you can turn this ship around. You lead, God moves.
Forget waiting for her to change first. You change first. Commit to these four things.
- Sacrifice for her daily—no excuses. Do something meaningful for her every day. Take the kids so she can nap. Handle dinner. No “what about me?” attitude. Just love like Jesus. She’ll feel it, and respect will start creeping back.
- Speak life. Cut out criticism, sarcasm, yelling—gone. If you mess up, own it instantly. Replace it with encouragement: “You’re amazing at that,” or “I love how you handle things.” Gentleness rebuilds safety fast.
- Lead spiritually. When she sees you under God’s authority, she’ll want to follow you again.
- Pursue her like you did when you were dating. Ask real questions: “How are you really feeling?” Plan a cheap date night. Compliment her specifically. Touch her without expecting anything. Make her feel seen and desired. Daily pursuit reignites the spark.
Do these consistently. Most wives don’t need perfection; they need consistency. Soon, you’ll see her tone soften, her eyes linger, maybe even her initiating affection. If she doesn’t respond right away? Stay steady. Your job is to be the man God called you to be, not to control her reaction.
Dr. Ron Geisler 