At what point do you get tired of pretending? At this age, you promised yourself that you would become the man your family and your future self could respect. But you keep returning to the same old patterns and habits like a dog returning to its vomit.
One day, an old Cherokee man sits down with his grandson to teach him about life.
“A fight is going on inside of me,” he says to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil – he is full of rage, jealousy, arrogance, greed, sorrow, regret, lies, laziness, and self-pity.”
He continues, “The other is good – he is filled with love, joy, peace, generosity, truth, empathy, courage, humility, and faith. This same fight is going on inside the hearts of everyone, including you.”
The grandson thinks about this for a few minutes and then asks his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replies, “The one you feed.”
Unless the patterns are broken, we will continue to feed the old wolf and act as we did in our 20s and 30s. So let’s be honest: you are succeeding in your career, your health, even your marriage, but your self-control is wrecked. Anger outbursts. Scrolling porn addiction. Envious of other guys.
We think, “I should have handled this by now.” That’s shame talking, and shame keeps guys stuck. You’re not broken. It’s dopamine! Only about 5% of men actually deal with their old, broken patterns and habits. Let’s treat this like the high-performance issue it is. We don’t shame a Ferrari for needing premium fuel; we give it what it runs on. At midlife, we need some new non-negotiables.
Environment beats willpower every single time. You need a new system to break old habits. Your integrity is counting on it. High performers can’t rely solely on willpower. You’ll need to pre-decide and build some accountability into your life. Transparency is key.
Here’s a plan to implement right now.
Your mind is running on junk – endless feeds, outrage clicks, soft-core everywhere. Starting tomorrow, initiate 30 minutes of something that builds you up; Scripture, high-level podcast, silence, whatever – but zero social media, zero news, zero stimulation that drags you down. You’re creating space for the Holy Spirit to rewire your neural pathways. Thirty minutes.
Now, the scary part: radical honesty with one other man. Not a therapist (although that’s great), not your wife yet (too much risk), but one brother who’s been in the arena. You’re going to text him today and say, “I need an accountability partner for integrity. Can we talk 10 minutes a week?” Confession isn’t weakness; it’s the fastest way to cut shame off at the knees and get real momentum.
It’s about becoming a man who refuses to let his appetites run his life. You do these and you won’t recognize yourself in 30 days.
I’m called to help men make these kinds of life changes and recreate themselves in ways their family and future self can respect. If this post has your name written all over it, reach out, and we can work together to make this second half something you can be proud of.
Dr. Ron Geisler 